He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
