3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
