and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
