how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Congratulations! We have a period
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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