Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
