3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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