eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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