Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
