You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
oh god the rape fog is back!
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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