I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
