So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
