Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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