1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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