I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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