It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
worst night to have a conscience
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
