Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
