she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I need a beard to bite.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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