apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
