oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
