i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
