Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
