im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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