There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
