I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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