do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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