good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
