For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
