Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
