so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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