so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Randomize
