How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
