Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
