What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
