I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
