i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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