Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Randomize
