Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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