In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
