i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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