Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
