we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Randomize
