Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
