Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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