Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
