1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
