I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
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