3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We are all done wearing pants today
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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