i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
