It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
