after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
